The "S" Destiny

One of the main thoughts that has troubled me for months, maybe a few years, is my biggest fear.

Many Christians like to proclaim hell as the ultimate fear, but I'm not big on the whole "hellbound" evanglism, because although important, I feel it can cause a "ceiling effect", where people do the minimum to avoid hell and that's it, making it an "extrinsic" faith where rules and dogma helps us to avoid God's wrath, rather than having an "intrinsic"/intimate relationship with God (sort of the comparison between living by the law, and living by Jesus).

No, my fear is something all the more daunting. I call it the "S" destiny, as in "S" for "Solomon" and/or "Samson", two men of God that left this world never quite achieving the massive potential that was given to them by God.

Over the last few months, I am proud but humble enough to believe that God has given me good potential, but the lingering fear that I may never maximise it exists.
If such men like wise old Solomon and strength-defying Samson couldn't achieve thier potential, how can I?
On ther other hand, they didn't have Jesus the same way we do today.

Yes I know that us Christians should have no fear, but I cannot deny that this lingeres somewhere at the back of my head. What if I fail God? What if I shame him? To know that I somehow hindered Gods master plan IS a scary thought.
And I'm aware that he will always love me always, and will take care of my burdens and give me rest (Matthew 11: 28), but I still fear.

Over the next few years, I must give my all to ensure that I am fully in alignment with Gods will for the church. If I am to fail, not only do I fail myself, but I fail God and many of the youths. WOW.

Ironically, a part of me lavishes at the challenge. What an opportunity, to work for the Lord Almighty. Really and truly, this isn't about me is it? If I can't deliver the goods, I'm sure God has another person to do the job (ala David to Samuel).

It means I have to fix up, I need to become more disciplined and focused, if not for my sake, then for the youth, for the church.

"Heavenly Father,
I commit myself to you Oh Lord.
I deliver myself as a sacrifice, just as you did for me.
You came and gave yourself up to death for my sake, now it's time to do the same for you.

I pray that I can one day be the man that you want me to be, that my will and yours Jesus may become one, just as you and The Father are one.

I commit myself to you Lord Jesus,

In Jesus name I pray.

Amen."